Tuesday, January 3, 2012

On the other side of the grass

This is the only title that struck me after reading The girl like met.  This blog post by Madhusha, a blogger talks about a girl’s mentality when her parents want to find an ideal match for her! Many of my closest friends are going thru the same phase – parents asking if you are involved with anyone (heaving a sigh of relief when you say No),  and telling you that you are already 25 and now is the best time to settle down! (As if marriage really helps anyone settle down). 

We girls have almost the same reply –“I am not yet ready for a marriage” (this is irrespective of our age, where we work, whom we like etc. etc.)

If at all we agree to the match making process (or fiasco, or drama, or whatever), the next level of disagreements between us and our parents can be legendary. God forbid if ever our expectations of a life partner match with our parent’s dreams for our life – I am ready to lose anything on this! We disagree on almost everything, the boy’s looks, salary, lifestyle, hobbies and interests, the family, the family name, the place they stay, the city-town they live, their food habits and so on and on and on. After all the process (I do not want to go in details as everyone is thoroughly aware of it!) we finally find our dream partner! If luck is in your favor, you and your parents both like the guy – for maybe completely different reasons ;), yet you are now engaged! Whew…did I just describe the most tedious, longish, boring process? Well thank God, I didn’t go thru much of this and finally I am on the other side of the lawn – the married life side.

So now let me tell you exactly where I stand. I am married for the last 1.5 years and live with just my husband in Pune. I am a working woman, with my own career ambitions, aspirations and dreams. I entered married life with the same gullible eyes that any newly married bride imagines. Fortunately, I got a wonderful husband who knew what it was to live away from family. His understanding and patience were crucially required in the initial days. I was too dazed with all sorts of things that I was supposed to do – cook, clean, manage a house; make new relations, act, smile and talk after thinking twice; etc etc. Here I do want to thank god for giving me a life partner who understood my plight and helped me in almost everything I did. From managing my own cupboard to managing our house, his contribution is equal and important. Today, after a year and a half spending in marital bliss, I have a few observations, I won’t call it words of advice because I am not so old yet J, but maybe just lessons learnt in married life.
For all my girl friends who are confused and bewildered today, here are a few things that would make you look forward to marriage and commitment
  • · Respect your partner; that goes without saying, but what do I mean by respect. Even when you are having your meanest of fights, never hit below the belt. Some things cannot be forgiven no matter what!
  • Have patience
  • Make eye contact; seems silly, right? Trust me, talking looking in to each other’s eyes makes a big difference.
  • He also comes from a different world, is making adjustments as well – so try to understand him too sometimes – don’t just claim all the time that you have left your home, family, friends for him :P
  •  Don’t think marriage is an end of life. There are so many things you can enjoy as a couple. Having somebody with whom you can share every moment, every thought and expression can be one of the most wonderful things that can happen in your life.
  •  Express yourself. Talk it out. Never sleep without sorting a fight. It helps a lot when you resolve differences before going to sleep J
  • If you are living just the two of you, well and good, but even with a bog joint family, always keep some time special for both of you.
Phew! these are the things that are utmost important as per me to have a healthy relation after marriage. There are too many things that can be written on what works and what doesn’t. Each relation is unique and everyone has to decide what works best for them.

Start thinking like a couple and then you won’t feel afraid of commitment !

UPDATE: On more or less the same lines, one of my dear friends has written a blog, you may also read that one at Turning point.